Anonymous and OK with it?

I recently met some new friends....well, they are new to me. They are actually friends of my wife. They are really nice people and I look forward to getting to spend time with them as our friendships develop. When meeting them I received compliments on this blog. The person said that they had read these posts and made a (joking, I'm sure) remark about my internet presence and, in their words, "fame"

Fame?...Me?

I believe that this blog has a grand total of nine followers and that my last post was seen by a grand total of thirty-two people. Did I mention that I have something like thirty-six followers on Twitter? I have never pastored a megachurch, never been asked to chair any important committees or task forces. In short...I'm anything but well known and famous is not a word that I would associate with myself.

And I've become ok with that.

I must confess that this has not always been the case. My childhood was very difficult and it left me with a huge void in terms of self confidence and a sense of my purpose and worth. For many years I longed to know that I was worth something to someone. I tried playing sports, mostly in an effort to gain the approval of my father, but that didn't work. I participated in drama and speech contests with some success but not the recognition that I hungered for. My college career was nothing special and was noted more for my lack of academic achievement than anything else. With the possible exception of the cafeteria food fight...but we don't talk about that.

I struggled into adulthood and marriage feeling lost in a way. I desperately wanted my life to mean something to someone. I believed that God loved me but I wasn't sure why. I was convinced that my wife was going to wake up one day and realize the loser that I was and leave me for someone who would make a difference in the world. 

I was anonymous and miserable. 

I wish I could tell you that there was a Damascus-road type experience in which God broke through my misery and overwhelmed my disbelief with his love. That's not the case. The truth is that I struggled for many, many years and that I came to spiritual and emotional health through small doses of that still, small voice and the Bible. The Job like patience of my wife was so very vital in all of this. She continued to model for me the love of God...the truth is she still does.

I reached a turning point one day through the actions of one of my kids. One of my sons had inadvertently caused a minor disaster while I was working on our car. It was nothing major but was just one of those "perfect storm" moments. I overreacted and exploded all over him, saying things I didn't mean and should never have said. He ran into the house in tears and stayed there while I laid under the car fuming. 

I'm not sure how long I laid there but my fuming turned into self loathing. I was certain that my actions were proof of my absolute worthlessness. But then I heard my son come outside. I came out from under the car and before I could apologize he rushed up to me and threw his arms around me and told me he loved me. I was stunned that his heart would want to be on the same planet as me, much less express his love for me. 

God had me right where he wanted me. I was listening to Dr. David Jeremiah the next morning and he read Psalm 27:10 - "My mother and father have forsaken me, but the Lord will take me up." A light went on in my head. 

I came to realize that God picked me up all those years ago when I accepted Christ as my Savior. He knew what was coming then and He loved me anyway. His plan for my life included all the struggles, all the heartaches. He has been there all the time, wanting and waiting to wrap me in His arms. All those youth leaders, the senior adults, my wife and so many others were the instruments of His grace and love in the long, slow drawing of my burdened heart to Him.

I discovered that I wasn't so anonymous after all. I was the object of the affections of the Creator of the universe. He picked me up all those years ago and had been carrying me. 

The truth is that none of us are anonymous. God knows each of us in ways deeper than we can imagine, and He loves us with a love so passionate and fierce that He gave up his son for us.

No one from high school, college, or even seminary may remember me. No one at the headquarters of the SBC may know my name and I may never be remembered as a great pastor...But God knows me, loves me and has prepared a place for me. 

If that's anonymity I'm okay with it.

Happy Anniversary

Thirty years ago I met this tall,slender, quiet brunette in the post office of my college. To be honest, that was about all I noticed about her at the time. She was very, very quiet. She also embarrassed easily, as I found out a short while later when I did my very best Elvis "Happy Birthday" impersonation to her in the student center.

That would have probably been the end of things if it weren't for the efforts of another girl that I met that day. She encouraged me to ask the brunette out, which I did, and then encouraged me to ask her out a second time.

And the rest, as they say, is history.

Today marks the twenty-sixth anniversary of the day that brunette said "I do." Twenty-six years is a long time for just about anything. If we were a car we'd qualify for one of those "antique" tags....But for us, well, me at least, things still seem fresh and new. We've never had a lot of anything, except for kids, and probably never will. That used to bother me, but I've learned that there are some things that are far more important than stuff. My wife is the one that taught me that. And that's just one of the things she's taught me.

There has been lots and lots of laughter along the way and more than a few tears, but through it all she has been central to my life. A friend from college tells me that many of our friends knew that we belonged together from the start. "She completes you" another of our friends says. I think that puts it well...."she completes you." I cannot imagine my life without her. She has become my best friend, my running buddy, my strength and compass. She's not perfect, that's my department (haha!), but she's perfectly suited for me.

She has never been able to see herself the way that I do. Her strength, creativity, and ingenuity are lacking in her sight, but amazing to me and to others who know her. She's raising six kids and a husband (I'm sure the last one is the hardest)and somehow doing it without losing her sanity. Now THAT'S impressive.

The world may not think that today is a very important day, but to me it is of supreme importance. When that young woman said "I do" twenty-six years ago today she set me on a course far greater than any I could have ever imagined for myself. Thank you Lyndra, for twenty-six exciting, adventurous, fun filled years. Here's to many, many more.

I Love YOU!